


home is not a place, it's with you

by viccristak



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age II, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Established Relationship, F/F, kinda fluffy kinda angsty
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-13
Updated: 2017-03-13
Packaged: 2018-10-03 19:44:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,348
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10256294
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/viccristak/pseuds/viccristak
Summary: She missed Hawke, especially at night, having gotten used to the woman’s warmth next to her, but life went on as normal aboard the ship, without nothing out of the ordinary happening. Until she had gotten a letter from Varric, telling her about Adamant, about the Fade, about how Hawke had almost given herself up so the rest of them could get out safely. Stupid, selfless Hawke.





	

**Author's Note:**

> thank you to the amazing [elizatays](http://archiveofourown.org/users/elizatays) for being my beta despite having never heard of this ship (also for giving me a title) you're the best <3

Isabela couldn’t sleep.

Before going to Skyhold, Hawke had left Isabela to wake up with a very vague, short note that said ‘Varric needs me’. Isabela and Hawke had already known Varric was working with the Inquisition, so Isabela had known it would be dangerous, but she trusted Hawke. She would have liked to go along with Hawke, of course, but she’d told herself that she would be back before she knew it – avoiding the constant worry that had been growing at the back of her mind. She missed Hawke, especially at night, having gotten used to the woman’s warmth next to her, but life went on as normal aboard the ship, without nothing out of the ordinary happening. Until she had gotten a letter from Varric, telling her about Adamant, about the Fade, about how Hawke had almost given herself up so the rest of them could get out safely. Stupid, selfless Hawke.

After retelling the events that occurred at Adamant to the Grey Wardens in Weisshaupt, Hawke had returned to Isabela’s ship. They had argued for hours – Isabela had reprimanded her for her recklessness, both anger and relief not really letting her think clearly. Hawke had apologized, once, twice, three times until Isabela had grown tired of yelling, and with a broken voice had simply told her: “you could have _died_.” Hawke’s expression had become softer after that, and she’d approached Isabela, taking the shaking woman in her arms, whispering sweet nothings into her ear. They had stopped fighting then, and gone straight to bed.

But even now, listening to the calming sound of the waves in the background, Hawke’s arm lazily draped over Isabela’s waist, her breath warm against her neck, Isabela couldn’t sleep. They hadn’t talked about the reasons behind Hawke’s willingness to sacrifice herself, not really. Just thinking about it made Isabela want to rip her heart out of her chest. She felt weak, vulnerable, and it reminded her of the same feeling she’d had all those years ago when she had told Hawke love wasn’t for her.

Hawke stirred beside her and Isabela realized with surprise that she had started to absentmindedly stroke Hawke’s hair, which must have woken her up. “Bela?” said Hawke, voice rough with sleep. She repositioned herself so she could properly look at the pirate. “Why are you still up?”

Isabela sighed. She couldn’t lie to Hawke because she would see straight through her. And they needed to talk about it, anyway. “Why did you do it? Did you not think about me at all?” she finally asked Hawke after pondering on it for a while.

Hawke looked confused at first until realization dawned on her. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about me going to help Varric – “

“That’s not what I’m upset about,” snapped Isabela, the anger from earlier coming back to her. “I wasn’t expecting you to not help – that’s one of the reasons I-“ _love you_. She choked on her words, a lump forming in her throat. She had gotten better at it over the years, but it was still hard for her to lay out her heart and express how she felt so openly. She had told Hawke she loved her before, but never in a direct way. Isabela had always been the type to think actions spoke louder than words, so she had shown Hawke, rather than telling her: it was in her touches and her eyes – that soft expression she got whenever she looked at Hawke, a confession behind it that she wasn’t brave enough to voice. Hawke still had an arm draped over Isabela, and she squeezed her waist when the pirate abruptly stopped talking. It was that familiar, reassuring touch she’d grown accustomed to, one that said ‘I know’. Isabela squeezed the hand on her waist right back – another familiar touch that told Hawke the pirate wasn’t really mad at her.

“Sure, I was annoyed for a while because you left me behind,” Isabela continued. “But that was temporary, Hawke. Throwing yourself into danger like that, knowing there was no way you’d come back alive - without thinking of me… of the life _we’ve_ built? Why?” She got it all out in a rush, feeling uncomfortable pouring out so many of her emotions, even though it was just Hawke.

Hawke squeezed her waist again and pressed a tender kiss to Isabela’s shoulder before disentangling herself from her so she could sit properly. “The thing is that I was only thinking about you,” she corrected Isabela. The pirate frowned, confused. Hawke took a deep breath before continuing; it was clear to Isabela that whatever had happened back in the Fade was hard for her to talk about. “Isabela, we - there was a fear demon. And it was ten times worse than the desire demon we had to face in Kirkwall.”

All at once, Isabela’s frustration and anger at Hawke went away, being replaced instead with a self-hate she hadn’t felt in a long time. The Champion had been physically in the Fade, battling the Maker knows what, and there Isabela was, selfishly focusing on herself and how it had made _her_ feel, without considering what Hawke had been through.

Hawke guessed her thoughts, of course, because there was almost nothing they could hide from each other. “I can practically hear you torturing yourself, Isabela,” she said. “Stop it. You had every right to be mad at me earlier – you have every right to still be mad at me now.” Isabela looked like she didn’t believe it, still mentally condemning herself and avoiding Hawke’s eyes.

Hawke sighed. She gently took Isabela’s face in her hands, forcing her to look at her. “If anything, the selfish one here is me.” Isabela looked like she was about to protest, but Hawke shook her head and beat her to it. “So stop it. Really,” she continued. They looked at each other for a long while, until Hawke was satisfied with whatever she saw in Isabela’s eyes and let her go, but not after leaving a kiss on her forehead. That made Isabela calm down completely again.

“It’s no excuse,” Hawke went on, “but the fear demon made me see… things. It knew my weaknesses, and you know you’re my biggest one.” She smiled at Isabela sadly. “I saw you dying. And it was so vivid. It felt so real,” her voice broke at the end. “When we were leaving, I just felt like you truly were dead and I acted impulsively, thinking death would be less painful than what I was feeling.” She closed her eyes, looking like she was about to burst into tears. Isabela reacted immediately and wrapped an arm around Hawke. She positioned them both so that Hawke’s head lay on her chest and the pirate stroked her hair, much like she had been doing before Hawke had woken up. Hawke put her arm around Isabela’s waist once again and made herself comfortable. It was their favourite position to sleep in, even though most mornings they woke up in a completely different one, limbs so intertwined they couldn’t tell where one of them started and the other ended. Hawke stayed quiet for so long Isabela thought she had fallen asleep again, until she broke the silence with an almost inaudible “I’m sorry.”

“Oh, sweet thing,” Isabela murmured. The hand that was still stroking Hawke’s hair suddenly stopped, making Hawke lean her chin on Isabela’s chest instead so she could look at the pirate’s face. Isabela was about to tell her to not recklessly go aid one of their friends next time, but she knew that wasn’t going to happen. Hawke would maybe reassure her and tell her that she wouldn’t do it again, but they both knew that would be a lie. So, instead, she said: “just… don’t leave me behind next time.” If she couldn’t stop her stupid, selfless girlfriend from answering their friends’ calls for help, she would make sure to stop her from dying.

“Okay,” Hawke agreed easily. The kiss she gave Isabela afterwards tasted a lot like a promise.

**Author's Note:**

> bc yes the "isabela and i never believed in being tied down" bullshit they gave us in inquisition happened only bc isabela had no idea hawke had even left (hawke was lying, clearly)  
> comments and feedback are appreciated and encouraged!  
> come hang out with me on tumblr [isabelahawkes](https://isabelahawkes.tumblr.com/)!!


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